post #9

the best way to prevent a midget-swiper from stealing your bike is to lock it up above their eye level. this might be our best submission yet, and do I really need to go further into detail as to what this rider did right? well the only thing I could swipe (if I stood on a midget-swiper's shoulders or my handy dandy step stool... that I carry EVERYWHERE w/ me) is their saddle. my father would be proud of how this rider took full advantage of every last extra link on their chain to secure both wheels and the frame down. bonus swiper points for the WOXY sticker... "the future of Rock n Roll" in Cincinnati, Ohio. NEXT!
—submitted by Scott hanging out in front of Babies 'R Us


if a bike ever had to get its innards examined... this is how a bike v@gina doctor would do it... spread your wheels baby! spread them! ok, that was just wrong, but kind of funny. while it appears as though perhaps an obese child snapped this bike, it is, I think, one of those fancy folding bikes you could purchase at an Eddie Bauer® [arghhh]. what did this rider do right? secured everything down, even his saddle. what didn't he do right? put a huge sticker on his bike that reads, "safety first." NEXT!


ok, so maybe this isn't quite a bike, BUT it sure is locked up pretty well. Im not one to discriminate and it is after all, Friday, so why not give credit to the smarter bums living on our streets of NYC. I walk around the city all week and see tons of [stolen] shopping carts not secured properly leaving them exposed to fall victim to bum shopping cart swipers. what did this bum do right? 1) they didn't leave all of their lively possessions inside the cart, 2) they removed Bed, Bath & Beyond from the front of the cart making it nearly impossible for the NYPD to determine where it was stolen from, 3) they used a pretty descent sized chain and lock and 4) they secured one of the wheels and the frame of the cart to the bike U. so yes, I will hands down give this bum a thumbs up for doing it right. NEXT!



if Hulk Hogan were walking down the street, I'm pretty sure he would try to swipe these. why do I assume this? well for starters, they would make perfect beach cruising bikes in Venice, CA; second, the blue bike would enhance his tan quite a bit (or at least more than Linda did) and third, he could let his 15-yr old girlfriend ride the other. but you must be wondering how Hulk Hogan could swipe these bikes and why? these two riders, while had the right idea to at least do "something" to secure their bikes, overlooked the fact that they only secured their two front wheels to one another w/ that nice, overpriced Kryptonite® u-lock. so if Hulk Hogan walked by and wanted to swipe either of these bikes he could either a) carry them away or b) unscrew both front wheels and walk away w/ (2) nice beach bikes sans their front tires. these riders should consider securing down their frames next time and... well, locking them up to more than just each other. NEXT!