post #6

who would ever want to steal crap? well, perhaps the newest and greatest method to preventing bicycle theft it to make it look like the largest imaginable piece of crap. case in point, the bikes seen in the photo above. it appears to be the world's largest unicycle at first glance, however after studying it more closely, I came to final conclusion that it is actually (3) bikes, a green garden hose and a u-lock getting it on in a very rusty threesome. so what the hell is the actual locking method on this purple Trek®? it appears to be very much secured down by the green garden hose and a sturdy Kryptonite® u-lock as seen above. if you ask me, I will hands down give this guy a thumbs up on a very well thought out lock-job. crap anybody? NEXT!
—submitted by a Red Hooker


I am convinced that this piece of work is a test. look at it like this... we go through life being given many tests like adding 1+1, choosing between a 12-yr and an 18-yr old malt whiskey, slicing up hot red peppers w/ your bare hands and being tempted to itch your eyes, stiffing a sh*tty waitress for being... a sh*tty waitress and so on. after spending months passing by this bike everyday, somebody else decided to call out the fact that it has been resting in the same place w/ pieces slowly disappearing. I am convinced that this is a test. a test to see how long you can leave a somewhat pricey bike chained up before all of its components are ripped off. or... I can assume the only other rational for this carcass has to be one of the following things:

a) the owner is lost somewhere in Brooklyn; the bike on the other hand knows exactly where it is and keeps falling victim to a daily gang bang.
b) this is clearly a test and we are all being recorded as we walk by to see how we react to such a sight for sore eyes.
c) the owner encountered the Bageltique mafia and was forced to leave their Bianchi as passage payment.
d) the owner is a lazy and negligent idiot and gave up after they lost their rear wheel.

next time the owner should consider doing (2) things: 1) locking the front wheel to the rear wheel and frame down and 2) coming back to check on the bike after locking it up. I give that rack a street life of 29 more days. NEXT!
—submitted by Blyer in Brooklyn