the best way to score a semi-pricey bike in NYC is to follow the paparazzi around and wait until they go bonkers for Lindsay Lohan as she makes her way into a swanky hotel. I personally do not follow Lindsay Lohan around as I am a much bigger fan of Kim Karashian (who Ive never seen in NYC). in any event, the second these schmucks see a celebrity, the completely abandon their bikes. so if you are in NYC and needing a bike, my suggestion is help get rid of congestion on our streets and swipe a bike from the paparazzi. NEXT!
who doesn't need some dirty water bottles? aside from finding semi-full cups of coffee in bicycle baskets, I love almost as much when I find water bottles sitting nice and pretty waiting to be swiped. sure you would have to be a) a cheap f*cker, b) somebody who doesn't mind germs, c) somebody dying of thirst or d) just a complete asshole to swipe somebody's water bottles. however, I suspect that this rider is just lazy (and that they got their bike from Gotham bikes in the city). in addition to their bottles not being secured down, they also failed in my book for locking their bike to another bike (that has wrist warmers on it) w/ a not-so-crappy cable. what should this rider do next time? lock their bike up on the other side of the sign w/ something more than just a not-so-crappy cable... oh and fill their bottles w/ some whiskey. NEXT!
—submitted by Blyer in Brooklyn
another great way to secure your bike is to tangle it up w/ a slew of other bikes (as seen above). while I know the person who did this lock job (my fake super who is addicted to crack) and after attempting to explain how to properly lock up his bikes out front, this was what he understood from our conversation. I was ecstatic to discover his efforts and applaud him for stealing a U-lock and managing to secure so many bikes down for a whopping 3 days. I came downstairs the other morning to discover this:
and was fortunate enough to witness how this happened... when you forget to lock your u-lock (if I had the key or knew where he was passed out, I would have done something) you are just asking for somebody to drop on by and swipe yo sh*t. at least he is slowing learning. slowly I say. slowly. NEXT!!
either this bike belongs to a 5-yr old girl or the teenager I've seen riding it around swiped it from a 5-yr old girl. I'm gonna cross my fingers that the 5-yr old girl didn't fall victim to a shady teenage boy and her parents taught her how to take care of her goods. most notably, which you can't see, is that her u-lock (Kyrptonite) is worth more than the bike itself, yet she clearly wants to be able to chase Mister Softee off of her block on her bad ass Barbie® pink bike. most kids her age have no clue to even lock up their bikes, so I give her a huge thumbs up. what should she do next time? maybe secure a wheel down, but they aren't quick release nor a hot commodity for most normal-sized riders. NEXT!!
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