post #21

even Pee Wee Herman used a better lock to secure his bike... or so he used about 200-ft of chains which under the circumstances of not being a movie, would have taken the swiper at least an hour to cut through all of the chains that kept his baby locked down. sure, we all know that Pee Wee Herman's bike got stolen, but it was an inside job and a movie. what I really want to talk about in this photo is that girl in the background. who the hell is she? I stood in traffic until I got honked at by a Chinese man in a white van labeled "Oriental Repair." yes, there are too many things wrong with just that, but I'd really like to shift my focus back to this girl. who is she? after staring at her for awhile and after her giving me a very strange look them quickly walking away, I was able to come up with the following possibilities behind her true identity: a) a teenage informant for the FBI (they recruit young these days, or so I read on Craiglist), b) John Travolta's daughter (the first teenage girl to pop into my head that could have been standing there), c) the bike's owner's little sister (he/she must pay her in quarters to stand there all night kinda like a parking meter, but way more personable), d) a teenage tourist from Germany (she said something that was not in Russian, Hebrew, Spanish or Irish). I concluded that she had absolutely nothing to do with the bike. duh. while this rider was semi-smart to pick a prime high traffic location to lock up their bike, they miserably fail on my scale because of their K-Mart® special cable lock. what should this rider do next time? rent Pee Wee's Big Adventure... maybe then they will at least learn how to chain their bike up better than cabling it down to a street sign. NEXT!!!



I was silently cumming on the sidewalk as I walked in the wrong direction and stumbled across... this hot bondage lock-job. look at the size and length of that chain. makes you wanna dig out your own toys, put the swing up and call over a few friends, no? not only did it stir up sexual feelings in me, but the added bonus of the Nuts4Nuts truck watching over this blue balled set of wheels made me hungry for some warm street-roasted nuts which after swiping this photo... I walked 4-blocks north to discover a man whole sold me a sack of his warm roasted nuts for the bargain price of just $1. what's missing from this lock-job? some bondage for that seat. what could this rider to in the future? either 1) take a piece of an old bicycle tube and loop it through the seat the the bracket... you really don't have to put the fancy chain in there as most people see it and just assume it is secured down or 2) melt some candle wax, fill the sprocket hole and color it in w/ a black sharpie so it appears as though you can't steal the seat. the economy is in a recession and these cheap tricks ought to work like a charm. in any event, this rider did a grade A lock-job here and if I saw him/her on the street, I'd absolutely hop off my own bike and attempt to grind on his/her leg. wait, that sounds sick and dirty and just wrong. NEXT!!!