Bikeswiper NYC

post #24

2009-12-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

I spend about $150 a month on groceries... and this bike is worth slightly more than that. had I not been on my way to a job interview, I would have lifted it right off of the U and ridden it into the city. just because your bike can buy me a month of groceries, doesn't mean you shouldn't lock it up properly. this is what I like to call a Copperfield lock-job. yes, I like a magic show and that is just what this is. although, I don't see the magic in lifting a bike off of a U. while I'd like to assume this rider is a) blind, b) over the age of 95 and/or c) David Copperfield... I have to simply assume that they were in a big hurry and didn't notice that their bike isn't really locked up. any would-be swiper could walk right by and a) cut the cable, b) lift the bike off of the U and attempt to ride it home w/ the cables stuck in the tires and/or c) set a hat out in front of the bike and perform a magic show for all of the kiddies in the neighborhood. what should this rider do next time? slide their u-lock around the U and then use their cable to secure the wheels. NEXT!!!

they say finding a 4-leaf clover is rare... but even more rare is seeing a cable and a chain and a min-u lock used in sync with one another. most of the time I pass right by cable lock-jobs, but this was a combo that gave me a little twinkle in the eye. not only did this rider take the time to use their chain to secure down their frame and front wheel, they also used a cable and mini-u lock for the rear tire. while a would-be swiper could cut the cable and swipe the rear wheel... they would have to break some spokes to remove that mini-u on the back. I personally carry a mid-sized u-lock and the mini-u lock from my chain when I feel extremely lazy. it works well enough to deter the swiper from attempting to swipe anything. what could this biker do to make their lock-job even better? pull up the slack in their chain. NEXT!!!

post #23

2009-12-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

I've only had my heart broken twice... and today might very well have been the third time. [sigh] as I was minding my own business walking to the pet store to buy dog food for my Pound Puppy®, I came across this. [sigh] love is a such a hard thing to find and when we find our bikes that take us all around the city and they love us so much, all that bike wants in return is a little love and maybe some lube for its chain. this rider performed what I like to refer to as the heartbreaker lock-job. this is when they do what is far worse than cheating on their bike... they leave it outside for some pimp to scoop up and offer to some other hopeless sap looking for love... thus, breaking it's heart. [sigh] while I was tempted to time myself (since I just so happened to be wearing a watch on my wrist) swiping this bike, I decided it was in my best interest to not attempt it given the large parking cop giving out tickets across the street and a little to the right, who you cannot see in this photo. in no way, shape or form is the cop across the street at all affiliated with the security of the bike. in any event, all the would-be swiper would have to do to swipe this heartbroken bike is pull the quick release and swipe the bike. what should this rider consider doing next time? 1) go to couples couseling because clearly they have issues w/ their bike, 2) tattoo their name on the bike and their bike's serial number on their arm (true love is in inking) and/or 3) use the u-lock to secure the bike so at least they will loose both of their tires and not the the whole bike minus their front wheel. NEXT!!!

your eyes are not playing tricks on you... that is in fact a bike lock. I just so happened to be in a Brooklyn-based bike shop ordering new parts to pimp out my newest 2-wheel addition to my home when I noticed this young man's bike lock. naturally, I asked him if he was using his computer lock to lock his bike up and he responded that not only was he using it to secure his bike, but that he had borrowed it from his 90-yr old grandfather. where does the bikeswiper even begin in a circumstance like this? I congratulated him on 1) taking the initative to lock up his bike, 2) picking out such a slim, sturdy looking lock, 3) pulling a fast one on an elderly man. of course I then explained to him that 1) a 4-yr old girl from the Bronx could swipe his bike in a heartbeat if he used that lock and 2) he should consider selling that lock to a vintage bike shop in Williamsburg because those damn hipster kids would kill for such a cool looking vintage cable lock that is like new. I took him through all of the locks and explained to him what works and what doesn't. so what did he do? he bought the Pinhead® and walked out w/ his 90-yr old grandfather's lock. what should he have done? bought any of the available locks in the store instead of the solar powered lights for his bike. NEXT!!!

you can try to take the crack out of brooklyn... but you can never try to take the crack away from my faux super. the sign in front of my building (as seen above) is by far the best and most exciting part of my on-going unemployment. as you can see, that sign has been yanked out of the ground and planted back in several times. what you can also see is that there appears to be a motorized wheelchair chained to the sign, covered with 1/2 of a black trashbag and secured down with an abundance of masking tape. this is definitely a lock-job you don't see everyday. what really seals the deal is the fact that any would-be swiper would most likely not make it too far because of the slashed tires. what was my faux crack-addicted super planning on doing with this motorized wheelchair? well... I saw him trying to fix and then ride it away but he failed. he passes in my book because everybody noticed it and everybody would have told a would-be swiper to not waste his time. what should he do next time? kick the crack and offer to be security detail for the elderly up on Prospect Park West... huge wheelchair theft problems up there from what I've heard. NEXT!!!

post #22

2009-12-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

the school for the visually impaired is located on 23rd street... not Houston. I'm sure you are wondering what about this photo brings up the visually impaired. well to start off with, without squinting you can probably see that the only thing secured to to that tree aside from it's own mother nature-given roots are the handlebars of this bike. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to walk by this visually impaired lock-job to realize that clearly the [assumed] visually impaired rider who locked it up had to have been well... visually impaired. all it takes is a simple hex to unscrew the stem and take the entire bike. sure, I would say that the average swiper would easily use their convenient garden shears to slice right through that fancy K-Mart® chain... but if the swiper isn't visually impaired, they will take out their handy dandy Park Tool® bike wrench and do what this visually impaired rider is begging for them to do. what should this visually impaired rider do next time? 1) put his/her contacts in before going out for a ride, 2) take a big crap in front of their bike to scare would-be swipers away from such a tempting swipe and/or 3) loop their crappy K-Mart® chain through a wheel and the frame then around the tree. NEXT!!!

SoHo is normally famous for Europeans bustling down the streets gwaking at crap on the sidewalks they can buy in NYC... however, what they probably tend to not notice is the high tech security SoHo riders have on those very same sidewalks. this lock-job is the best I've swiped all week long. not only did this rider do an amazingly awesome job securing their frame and both wheels down, but they managed to park the bike right behind a very friendly-looking Asian (or Russian... I couldn't really tell) street vendor... who just stares at only 2 things the entire day: 1) an overabundance of scarves my mother would kill for and 2) the bikes secured to that bike U. naturally as I stopped to analyze this divine lock-jobs, so did many tourist which further proved to excite the high tech security detail on this lock-job. I wonder what the heck is the deal with these Europeans... I mean... I could drop a cup on the sidewalk and stare at it and they would all take pictures of it. oh wait a second here... I think I just thought of a new job for myself that could pay better than unemployment in tips! hmmmm... ok, so what should this rider consider in the future? double-stick tape on the surface of their saddle because that is the second easiest way to help their high tech security catch a scarf blowing away. NEXT!!!

please hold your breath

2009-11-27T07:10:00.001-08:00

I'm off on vacation and will return soon. please come back again, soon ;)

post #21

2009-11-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

even Pee Wee Herman used a better lock to secure his bike... or so he used about 200-ft of chains which under the circumstances of not being a movie, would have taken the swiper at least an hour to cut through all of the chains that kept his baby locked down. sure, we all know that Pee Wee Herman's bike got stolen, but it was an inside job and a movie. what I really want to talk about in this photo is that girl in the background. who the hell is she? I stood in traffic until I got honked at by a Chinese man in a white van labeled "Oriental Repair." yes, there are too many things wrong with just that, but I'd really like to shift my focus back to this girl. who is she? after staring at her for awhile and after her giving me a very strange look them quickly walking away, I was able to come up with the following possibilities behind her true identity: a) a teenage informant for the FBI (they recruit young these days, or so I read on Craiglist), b) John Travolta's daughter (the first teenage girl to pop into my head that could have been standing there), c) the bike's owner's little sister (he/she must pay her in quarters to stand there all night kinda like a parking meter, but way more personable), d) a teenage tourist from Germany (she said something that was not in Russian, Hebrew, Spanish or Irish). I concluded that she had absolutely nothing to do with the bike. duh. while this rider was semi-smart to pick a prime high traffic location to lock up their bike, they miserably fail on my scale because of their K-Mart® special cable lock. what should this rider do next time? rent Pee Wee's Big Adventure... maybe then they will at least learn how to chain their bike up better than cabling it down to a street sign. NEXT!!!

I was silently cumming on the sidewalk as I walked in the wrong direction and stumbled across... this hot bondage lock-job. look at the size and length of that chain. makes you wanna dig out your own toys, put the swing up and call over a few friends, no? not only did it stir up sexual feelings in me, but the added bonus of the Nuts4Nuts truck watching over this blue balled set of wheels made me hungry for some warm street-roasted nuts which after swiping this photo... I walked 4-blocks north to discover a man whole sold me a sack of his warm roasted nuts for the bargain price of just $1. what's missing from this lock-job? some bondage for that seat. what could this rider to in the future? either 1) take a piece of an old bicycle tube and loop it through the seat the the bracket... you really don't have to put the fancy chain in there as most people see it and just assume it is secured down or 2) melt some candle wax, fill the sprocket hole and color it in w/ a black sharpie so it appears as though you can't steal the seat. the economy is in a recession and these cheap tricks ought to work like a charm. in any event, this rider did a grade A lock-job here and if I saw him/her on the street, I'd absolutely hop off my own bike and attempt to grind on his/her leg. wait, that sounds sick and dirty and just wrong. NEXT!!!

post #20

2009-11-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

stop squinting so hard trying to figure it out... that is in fact not the leaning tower of Pisa. what that is, is in fact a midget lock-job. you see, midget riders are nothing like taller riders on the roads. they have great difficulty reaching both their pedals and handlebars. it is a luxury we all take for granted. how was I able to determine that this was a "midget lock-job"? clearly, they needed a crappy-ass cable that would enable enough slack that a midget could lock and unlock the bike. you see how it leans so far over, close enough to the ground like so [look at picture]. what should this rider consider doing next time? well, for starters, if they are going to use a crappy-ass cable? 1) include a note that says, "please sharpen your garden shears before swiping to avoid injury," 2) make it a little bit harder for other would-be midget swipers to swipe by pulling up the slack a bit on the cable so it sits higher and/or 3) buy a real lock. NEXT!!!

it's not everyday I walk outside of my apartment and see a fight like this... after about 1 minute I decided to swipe the red bike w/ one of my new handy dandy tags after declaring it the winner. and you thought Sylvester Stallone was awesome in Over the Top. while most people would say that neither the wheels or saddle are properly locked down, I would slap them across the back of the head for not seeing the obvious here. the rider of the red bike was clearly smart enough to pull of the good ol' "decoy lock-job." this type of lock-job requires another bike which has clearly been beaten and swiped from locked up on the ground next to it... case in point... the blue bike. a would-be swiper will automatically think either a) there is a swipe in progress or b) clearly there was nothing worth stealing off of the red bike to even mess w/ it. red bike you win my heart today. NEXT!!!

back in action!

2009-11-18T12:13:00.000-08:00

I've been away for the past few weeks, I mean months... polishing the blinds in my apartment. that is what the unemployed do w/ their day. after a nice boot in the ass from many swiper fans (thank you, thank you), I have made my tags and added swiping to my daily duties which also happen to include: counting import cars driving by my front window, scaring the pigeons off of my balcony, catching up on The Price Is Right, mastering the art of burning grilled cheese in the oven and playing w/ fake animals. my tags are done. they are ready for you. hit me up and I will chuck some your way. while my father would be telling me to get a job... my mother would be encouraging me to go out and make new friends. and so... let the swiping... resume! NEXT!!!

post #19

2009-09-02T20:03:00.001-07:00

there is a big difference between the kyrptonite that Superman is allergic to... and the company that makes bike locks which just so happens to be called Kryptonite®. what we have here is a great example of 14-yr olds (Im just assuming and apologize if they actually belong to a 40-yr old who is trying to be young again) who really need to learn the difference between the two. yes, this is exactly what it appears to be... a "dumb f*ck" lock job. I pondered if I was supposed to be scared of the "kryptonite" licorice lock (which was doing nothing more than decorating the handlebars) but then quickly decided that there were really only 2 explanations as to why these bikes were just sitting on the sidewalk w/ no 14-yr olds in plain sight: either a) they were hiding in the bushes and getting ready to jump me if I swiped their rides or b) Superman gave them a beatdown and tossed them into space thus leaving the bikes exposed on the sidewalk as seen above. what should these 14-yr old boys have done? perhaps not assumed that the kyrptonite around one of the bikes would be enough to fend off a would-be swiper and either a) maybe use their crappy piece of kryptonite licorice lock or b) invest in some sort of u-lock. NEXT!!!

that is not pricey dental floss... but it is a pricey cable lock that is not really securing down this bike as well as it could be. ok, so you are looking at it and thinking that it looks locked down, right? it is, but I think it could be done better, how? they should use the u-lock on the frame and then run the cable through both wheels. the sign was pretty sturdy in the ground, so bonus points for that. don't forget to floss tonight... oh and, that's a pretty darn nice rack ;) NEXT!!!

the only thing that makes me happier than watching elderly women cross the street is coming across a grade A lock job. good enough that my elderly grandmother would offer this rider two pieces of hard candy from the candy dish! while I am not a fan of the parking meter method (too much girth for smaller and easier to tote around u-locks)... they get props for using a u-lock to properly secure their frame and both wheels. the only thing that really confused me... was the fact that their seat was resting nearly on the top tube which lead me to assume the following about this rider: a) they are shorter than 5'5", b) they might not own an allen wrench and/or c) they do not have balls because if they did... those suckers would be in for quite the bouncy ride. you go girl! NEXT!!!

post #18

2009-08-31T06:45:00.001-07:00

very few lock jobs make me squirm... and this is one that still has me sliding around on my chair w/ excitement. clearly we have to riders that are either a) meant for each other and just don't know it yet, b) 2 gay men who rock my world w/ matching lock jobs or c) a sting operation in midtown. it doesn't get any better than this. not only did they use the u-locks in the front, but they used the chain in the back to secure down their frame, back wheel AND saddle. something new to me which I had never thought of before. it appears as though they locked their mini-u from the chain through the saddle instead of slipping the chain on through. the only way a would-be swiper could mastermind this scenario would be a power saw and a huge set of balls. NEXT!!!
—submitted by Paul in Midtown

most people assume that you can only use a u-lock to lock down their bikes. however, if you take a look at this lock job, you can clearly see that you can use them for other things! not only did this ride secure their bike to a parking meter (which I am not a huge fan of doing), but they also decided to secure their older-than-my-niece basket down w/ a u-lock. if you have the space to do it, why not?!? you can also take note that they are helping out the locals by collecting leaves on the street. this lock job is like finding a prize in the cereal box circa 2009. so perfectly locked down AND they did a little bit extra just because they could. NEXT!!!

there must be a ton of shit on the streets that is worth quite a bit of money... like this bike. while it appears as though it would be found in a pile of abandoned bikes in the lower east side, clearly somebody still loves this gem. while a cable lock is not the most ideal and swiper-proof method to secure a bike down, they do get props for a) securing the front wheel and frame down w/ the u-lock, b) then swinging the cable to and through their rear end and c) bonus points for locking on top of some sucker who locked their bike up by only one wheel. only suggestion I can make on this lock job? wrapping that fantastically cushioned saddle w/ an ugly plastic bag to deter some hipster from helping themselves to a "retro" looking saddle. NEXT!!!

what is the easiest thing you can do to tempt somebody to f*ck your bike up? acquiring this sticker. sure, when I first started riding I had thought of doing something like this because I thought it was hy-ster-ical... however I quickly learned that Bikesnob and the rest of the real biking community do not approve of this tactic. this sticker just draws more attention to the hipster who paid $4 for the sticker and then stuck in on their top tube in an attempt to scare would-be swipers away. what should you do if you come across this bike? invest in Oscar Meyar® bologna and a folding chair, wrap the bike in bologna, swipe some Vaseline® beneath your eyes, on the bridge of your nose and all over your forehead... then wait for this rider to come out and evaluate just how effective their sticker is; please be sure to have health insurance before testing this out. NEXT!!!
—submitted by Klemons in Brooklyn

apparently this corner in brooklyn is just dumb f*ck prone. yet again, I found myself on the same corner (because it is after all, on my way to the subway) where I last spotted my first ever documented "dumb f*ck lock job." again, I stood on this corner looking like a complete brooklyn whore (canteen, tote bag, enormous camera and 4" red patent leather high heels) while waiting for this dumb f*ck to show their face. afte 5-minutes and quite a few elderly folk giving me the stink eye, I decided to swipe a photo and move about my day. now the only reasons I could muster up as to why this dumb f*ck pulled off the "dumb f*ck lock job" in an effort to have their bike stolen were a) they were angry over the fact that their tires didn't match perfectly in age, b) their saddle kept rubbing their balls in a very rough kinda way, c) they were an undercover cop or d) some pimp was trying to lure me into his circle. what should this rider do next time around? maybe place a sticker on the bike that says, "belongs to the post office. tampering w/ this bike can result in a beat-down by your local mailman. don't f*ck w/ the feds." NEXT!!!

post #17

2009-08-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

if I were ever to get into a drunken brawl, these are the last handlebars I'd want stuck up my rear end. you see, what I don't get is how these handlebars are supposed to function. the top 3 things I can think of are 1) back scratcher, 2) secret deadly ninja weapon or 3) drying rack for pricey bras. my grandfather would win the argument that even w/ age, things still work or rust for that matter as this bike has been sitting at this spot for a month now. sure this OnGuard® chain lock is pretty well rusted to a near death, but the rider used it properly! woo hoo! in addition to securing both wheels and their frame down, they've got the ol' tubejob done up top. what could this rider have done better? picked up a can of chrome spray paint and disguised the age/neglect of their chain. NEXT!!!

I've lost all faith in crack heads, especially the one who [while posing as my super] goes through my garbage by morning and fixes bikes [in our basement] while smoking crack by night. now here we have a great example of how to lock up a bike but not really. what makes this lock job ingenious in my opinion? every last component just so happens to be rusted onto one another. even if I tempted fate and attempted to spend my unemployment activity of the day removing components, I'm pretty sure the crack pipe or broken fan blade found in the basement might scare myself (or a would-be swiper far, far away). what should this biker do next time? not a thing! nobody can do anything w/ this piece of shit so he he golden just kickstanding it out front. NEXT!!!

my week is not complete unless I come across a bike that looks like a blind man locked it up and that is JUST what this is! while looking to park my own set of 2-wheels, I walked right on by this bike, then did my bikeswiper double-take and diagnosed the blind man lock job. yup, while you think this is locked up by a cable, it is in fact... not. what is locked up here? the front wheel and the frame. what isn't locked down here? the frame w/ the front wheel and the rear wheel. what should this rider do next time? wear some glasses, invest in a u-lock and double check that their Trek® is registered w/ their local precinct. NEXT!!!

this is the saddest thing I've seen all week. what you have here is proof that the world is full of douchebags. I mean, who the hell goes after the front wheel of a 25-yr old bike? a real douchebag who wants to prove a point to a not-so-smart rider who just so happened to not lock their bike up properly. what should this rider do next time? first, buy a new front wheel, cause they help and then perhaps learn to use their chain properly. NEXT!!!
—submitted by Lopez in Brooklyn

there are many things on the streets of NYC which are not locked up properly in addition to bikes and this wheel chair is a perfect example. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the elderly person who isn't pictured in this chair might be wandering lost somewhere in NYC. such a shame. what should this elderly person have done to secure their 4-wheels? a) stayed in their chair, b) invested in a few u-locks or a chain, c) locked the f*cking thing down or d) invested in a Life Line so the authorities could promptly locate the missing chair. NEXT!!!

post #16

2009-08-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

I stood at a nearby bus stop for least 8 minutes waiting for this dumb f*ck to come back for his/her bike, but gave up after realizing the the ice cream for my homemade root beer float was melting. so what we have here is what you call the "dumb f*ck lock job." what exactly is a "dumb f*ck lock job"? my guess would have to be that the dumb f*ck who left his/her bike locked up like a horseshoe around the parking meter was either a) blind, b) assumed the people at the nearby bus stop were actually a valet service, c) is unemployed and allowing some non-dumb f*ck to steal their bikes so they can attempt to collect insurance on a bike that is worth less than my my neighbor's labradoodle or d) was really pissed the f*ck off at their boyfriend/girlfriend and did this full well knowing that this would be a great way to really, really surprise he/she as he/she would be rushing out the door while running late to take a dip in their douche bath. what should this rider have done to ensure that their bike was locked up properly? leaned it against the parking meter with a note that said, "this isn't too good to be true, this is a bike that would look great next to your convex toaster oven. NEXT!!!

while I had good intentions by asking the man with the pitbull if these were his bikes, his pitbull thought otherwise. it then occurred to me that had these bikes actually belonged to the man with the pitbull that this would in fact, be a brilliant lock job because of the pitbull. as it turned out, the man with the pitbull didn't own either of these bikes nor did he or his pitbull even live there... they were just taking a break to sip on a fourty. I'm pretty sure the dull scissors I stole from Kenneth Cole would slice right through these licorice cables. while I give the riders props for coridinating his/her colors so well, I would be tempted to slice through these to teach them a lesson. I mean... at least loop them through a tire!!! what should these riders have done? bought multiple pieces of the licorice cables and tangled their bikes up enough to confuse the president of the Brooklyn Knitting Club or just invest in a Kryptonite® chain and lock both frames together and to that fence. NEXT!!!

when I crossed pathes with these bikes, it was like getting laid on the spot. not only are they [almost] locked up like a chasity belt on a Catholic schoolgirl, but they are absolutely flirting with one another! who would have ever thought that metal on metal could flirt like this?! now.. this people, THIS is how you use the u-lock properly. while not the most expensive nor the most theft-deterent, the would-be swiper would be most likely tempted by a handful of bikes cabled-down just a few footsteps away. and while it appears as though they did not secure their frames down, they did. and you thought they were gonna blueball you. NEXT!!!

post #15

2009-08-04T11:32:00.001-07:00

I'm unemployed and all this bike makes me want is a black n white. while tempted to lick each side to see which tastes better, I do have to live in reality and licking bikes is sure enough way to score a summons by the typical Park Slope stroller-pushing, overbearing and angry parent. here we have a rider who clearly doesn't have his/her head up his/her ass. as simple as can be... one chain, one lock and a pretty sturdy street sign. this cookie isn't going anywhere. props to hitting my sweet spot for the day. NEXT!!!

Im gonna assume that the Rite Aide® this was parked outside of was either having a huge sale of Flavor Ice® or giving out free advice on how not to lock up your bike. as I walked by I just assumed the usual, $12.99 cable securing down both wheels and frame, but when I walked up closer to further inspect, I discovered that this rider neglected to physically lock the bike up. that's right, that combination thing on your cheap piece of sh*t cable actually needs to be locked. what is even more tragic is that while I have a few friends who are looking for bikes, I decided to keep karma on my side by locking it for them. what should this rider have done in addition to actually locking their bike down... ? sprung an extra $12.99 to buy a U-lock... but I will give he/she credit for securing down both wheels. NEXT!!!

post #14

2009-07-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

what a pretty bike; pretty enough Rainbow Bright would consult me on how to swipe it. at first glance, it appears to be locked up wrong, but when you get closer to this bike, it becomes more clear that it is not really even locked up (see below)

yup. you guessed it. that is in fact a bungee cord. a nice looking one if you ask me. in fact, I even tested out its security by looking over my shoulder, undoing it, looking back over my should and nothing. so I secured it back into place as you can see from the picture above. please note, bungee cords are good for the following things: securing a mattress to the roof of a car, a temporary leash for a 3-yr old, hipster-inspired bracelets, a choker, device used to choke something, naughty tangler-device in bed, a chanukkah gift... BUT NOT AS A BIKE LOCK. had I not lost my Sharpie® in Harlem over the weekend, I would have written a note on the napkin in my pocket informing them of this. how should this rider secure their bike tomorrow? perhaps twist ties. NEXT!!!

is it me or does this single speed appear to have rugged mountain biking tires? well, I guess if you have ever ridden through Red Hook... the amount of garbage on the ground gives this rider reason enough to pair these two things together. I will give the owner credit for looking it up pretty well. while I am not an advocate of the cable... I think that if a random man were walking around the Red Hook pool w/ garden sheers, somebody might question his motives. if they didn't, that man would score some huge-ass mountain bike tires. the frame is as secure as can be and to be totally honest, I'd bet my left flip flop that there were at least 10 other bikes near this one which would be far easier to steal. I'll give him a thumbs up. NEXT!!!
—submitted by Blyer in Brooklyn

post #13

2009-07-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

if there isn't already soft core [still life] bike porn out there, this might be a great start to a beautiful thing. I mean, come on. look at these two bikes. they are TOTALLY doing it from behind, no? ok, so if they aren't, they are most definitely together and locked up well. while the yellow bike's rear tire isn't secured, the rest of the bike is... to the bike in front of it. if you need a spare helmet or a dirty bottle, you would be in luck here, otherwise... good luck prying apart these finger cuffs. NEXT!!!

that is one hell of a rack on the back on this bike. it's not too often you see such a thing and better yet, those are two hot wheels along w/ the rack. this rider should maybe consider locking down one of their wheels next time since they did, after all... buy a mid-sized u-lock for a reason. note to self in the future, always secure down your rack if you can. otherwise, stick a on there that says, "free wheels and rack!!!" NEXT!!!

post #12

2009-07-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

as this bike passed me I prayed the middle-aged bald man riding it was going to lock it up... soon... and he did. I will be totally honest, me wanting him to lock it up had nothing to do w/ the fact that he was both bald and middle-aged, rather, the fact that his bike was covered in Fear Factor tags. I had to assume a few possibilities as to why he had this particular bike: a) there was a sample sale in SoHo and he scored big, b) after coming in 3rd place, he still refuses to let go of his runner-up to the runner-up prize, c) he was currently participating in Fear Factor, the task being... riding through Times Square w/o a helmet and going the wrong way and surviving, or d) he stole it from a delivery man. now I was a complete ass because I watched him lock it up w/ the cable and could have said, "at least loop it through a tire." but I didn't and I waited for him to walk away before snapping this shot. note to self, it is easy for swipers to swipe a hot set of wheels which are only secured down by a 5&Dime cable lock. NEXT!!!

apparently Europeans do not care to steal bikes. I came across this bike in the heart of Times Square, watched it for awhile and studied the people around it. it appeared as though it belonged to nobody in plain sight AND it was locked to the air. there sure is something special about people who lock their bikes to the air. I will give partial credit to this rider since they used a U-lock but have to wonder if it was a game of chicken... waiting for a European to either a) pose w/ the bike for a photo because it could be famous, b) trip over it or c) call the police to report "something suspicous." next time... at least lean it against the wall and maybe, just maybe, secure it to something more than just the air. NEXT!!!

construction workers in NYC also get paid to watch bikes, but they just don't realize it. a nice set of wheels and I have to give the owner props for not only taking his saddle w/ him and then running his chain through both wheels and around a sturdy sign, but also for placing it in the middle of a construction site. nothing beats having a bunch of guys from Staten Island keep watch over a set of wheels for the day. while this might not be the fanciest of chains, it will do the job just fine. NEXT!!!

post #11

2009-06-18T07:31:00.001-07:00

it's like finding a prize in the cereal box. after passing by a ton of bikes that were not locked up properly, I stumbled across this beauty on the West Side Highway just setting pretty in the misting rain. this rider did a perfect job on locking down their bike by securing both wheels and the frame w/ a sturdy chain leaving next to no slack; I couldn't even wiggle the sign free and bonus points for the screwed w/ pin in the stem securing the handle bars in place. if anything, I'd most definitely give this rider a hearty smack on the [bleep] for a job well done. NEXT!!

this lock job would make my father proud because the owners don't even own a lock. by keeping their bikes inside of the Chinese restaurant the only chance a swiper has at snagging one is by knocking out one of the chefs w/ a pair of rusty brass knuckles. NEXT!!!

it is so hard to not make fun of the obvious moron here, but I give this rider some credit because they did after all, purchase 2 locks. there should be a law that states all lock manufacturers provide idiot-proof instructions on how to lock up your bike. I don't care if you don't even lock this piece of [bleep] up, leave it free standing cause had the owner actually used their locks properly, even a swiper would be rendered useless in an attempt to steal anything more than the saddle, the handlebars or even that snazzy kickstand. points for locking it to the window. Im sure the owner of that basement unit loves looking at their window each morning to see this bike everyday. more points for this rider taking the time to secure their saddle. but from what I can see, they failed at securing down the most important piece of the bike, the kickstand. but at least unless you have a hacksaw to break the U-lock, this sucker is staying put. NEXT!!!
—submitted by a Red Hooker

post #10

2009-05-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

the best way to score a semi-pricey bike in NYC is to follow the paparazzi around and wait until they go bonkers for Lindsay Lohan as she makes her way into a swanky hotel. I personally do not follow Lindsay Lohan around as I am a much bigger fan of Kim Karashian (who Ive never seen in NYC). in any event, the second these schmucks see a celebrity, the completely abandon their bikes. so if you are in NYC and needing a bike, my suggestion is help get rid of congestion on our streets and swipe a bike from the paparazzi. NEXT!

who doesn't need some dirty water bottles? aside from finding semi-full cups of coffee in bicycle baskets, I love almost as much when I find water bottles sitting nice and pretty waiting to be swiped. sure you would have to be a) a cheap f*cker, b) somebody who doesn't mind germs, c) somebody dying of thirst or d) just a complete asshole to swipe somebody's water bottles. however, I suspect that this rider is just lazy (and that they got their bike from Gotham bikes in the city). in addition to their bottles not being secured down, they also failed in my book for locking their bike to another bike (that has wrist warmers on it) w/ a not-so-crappy cable. what should this rider do next time? lock their bike up on the other side of the sign w/ something more than just a not-so-crappy cable... oh and fill their bottles w/ some whiskey. NEXT!
—submitted by Blyer in Brooklyn

another great way to secure your bike is to tangle it up w/ a slew of other bikes (as seen above). while I know the person who did this lock job (my fake super who is addicted to crack) and after attempting to explain how to properly lock up his bikes out front, this was what he understood from our conversation. I was ecstatic to discover his efforts and applaud him for stealing a U-lock and managing to secure so many bikes down for a whopping 3 days. I came downstairs the other morning to discover this:

and was fortunate enough to witness how this happened... when you forget to lock your u-lock (if I had the key or knew where he was passed out, I would have done something) you are just asking for somebody to drop on by and swipe yo sh*t. at least he is slowing learning. slowly I say. slowly. NEXT!!

either this bike belongs to a 5-yr old girl or the teenager I've seen riding it around swiped it from a 5-yr old girl. I'm gonna cross my fingers that the 5-yr old girl didn't fall victim to a shady teenage boy and her parents taught her how to take care of her goods. most notably, which you can't see, is that her u-lock (Kyrptonite) is worth more than the bike itself, yet she clearly wants to be able to chase Mister Softee off of her block on her bad ass Barbie® pink bike. most kids her age have no clue to even lock up their bikes, so I give her a huge thumbs up. what should she do next time? maybe secure a wheel down, but they aren't quick release nor a hot commodity for most normal-sized riders. NEXT!!

post #9

2009-05-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

the best way to prevent a midget-swiper from stealing your bike is to lock it up above their eye level. this might be our best submission yet, and do I really need to go further into detail as to what this rider did right? well the only thing I could swipe (if I stood on a midget-swiper's shoulders or my handy dandy step stool... that I carry EVERYWHERE w/ me) is their saddle. my father would be proud of how this rider took full advantage of every last extra link on their chain to secure both wheels and the frame down. bonus swiper points for the WOXY sticker... "the future of Rock n Roll" in Cincinnati, Ohio. NEXT!
—submitted by Scott hanging out in front of Babies 'R Us

if a bike ever had to get its innards examined... this is how a bike v@gina doctor would do it... spread your wheels baby! spread them! ok, that was just wrong, but kind of funny. while it appears as though perhaps an obese child snapped this bike, it is, I think, one of those fancy folding bikes you could purchase at an Eddie Bauer® [arghhh]. what did this rider do right? secured everything down, even his saddle. what didn't he do right? put a huge sticker on his bike that reads, "safety first." NEXT!

ok, so maybe this isn't quite a bike, BUT it sure is locked up pretty well. Im not one to discriminate and it is after all, Friday, so why not give credit to the smarter bums living on our streets of NYC. I walk around the city all week and see tons of [stolen] shopping carts not secured properly leaving them exposed to fall victim to bum shopping cart swipers. what did this bum do right? 1) they didn't leave all of their lively possessions inside the cart, 2) they removed Bed, Bath & Beyond from the front of the cart making it nearly impossible for the NYPD to determine where it was stolen from, 3) they used a pretty descent sized chain and lock and 4) they secured one of the wheels and the frame of the cart to the bike U. so yes, I will hands down give this bum a thumbs up for doing it right. NEXT!

if Hulk Hogan were walking down the street, I'm pretty sure he would try to swipe these. why do I assume this? well for starters, they would make perfect beach cruising bikes in Venice, CA; second, the blue bike would enhance his tan quite a bit (or at least more than Linda did) and third, he could let his 15-yr old girlfriend ride the other. but you must be wondering how Hulk Hogan could swipe these bikes and why? these two riders, while had the right idea to at least do "something" to secure their bikes, overlooked the fact that they only secured their two front wheels to one another w/ that nice, overpriced Kryptonite® u-lock. so if Hulk Hogan walked by and wanted to swipe either of these bikes he could either a) carry them away or b) unscrew both front wheels and walk away w/ (2) nice beach bikes sans their front tires. these riders should consider securing down their frames next time and... well, locking them up to more than just each other. NEXT!

post #8

2009-05-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

this lock-job is like my father giving me a spanking (when I was 5) w/ a stuffed animal. it's like, look at that, this biker spent a pretty penny on the Gucci® of locks AND bought one small enough to dub as modern-looking brass knuckles. however, they clearly didn't think about the fact that yes, nobody can snag that front wheel of the frame, but if I ever wanted to bang the sh*t out of a back wheel, I would sure as sh*t attempt to bang the sh*t out of their back wheel. while you might have quite possibly the most bizarre mental image of somebody humping or beating a back wheel w/ a sledgehammer... what this biker can do the next time around is a) buy a larger Gucci®-like u-lock and b) secure both wheels and the frame to one another so a nutjob like myself doesn't come along and attempt to bang the sh*t out of an unlocked back wheel. NEXT!

my brother who was [unfortunately] born w/o common sense is smarter than this, or perhaps he is in NYC and my parents didn't call to warn me. here we have a folding bike, (which in my eyes, is perfect for extra tall midgets) just marinating in front of a bodega located in Union Square. while at first glance it appears as though the extra tall midget didn't lock their bike down, there is a u-lock around the front wheel and frame. I'm gonna give "swiper bonus points" for the way in which the extra tall midget secured the actual bike... locking it up to the air. that's right, they are trusting the air to prevent would-be swipers from walking on by and clenching a sweet-ass, two-wheeled souvenir. how should the extra tall midget have locked down their bike? it's a no-brainer here... folding bikes were invented for a reason, fold that f*cker up and piss everybody off in the the bodega by carrying it over the shoulder. NEXT!

some bikeswiping p0rn for your afternoon

2009-05-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

since you are either a) at work still or b) have nothing to watch since Lipstick Jungle got canceled, I thought I would share a video from Streetfilms of some "bike lock grading" by Hal Ruzal of Bicycle Habitat. he does a great job of showing how poorly bikes can or cannot be locked up. be afraid, very, very afraid because getting anything below a D- from this guy makes you a sucker in my book.

my thoughts? he is a proponent of the cable while I am not such a big fan. however, if all you have is a cable, that is better than nothing. it's how you use the cable that counts. also note that he reminds you to make sure you pole is "stiffly" in the ground. enjoy his other grading videos below. and on a final note... I would just like to add that we swiped the last bike he graded earlier last week... the Bowling Green.

post #7

2009-05-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

finally, a set of wheels in some hot bondage. it's not too often that I walk by and see something done almost perfect. while the chain in the front has a bit of slack, the rider here secured down both their front and rear wheels as well as their frame. their saddle is not a quick release, so unless the would-be swiper has a bike tool in his pocket, this straight-from-the factory saddle is safe... for now. this is a great example of how to properly lock your bike down. kudos to the Cannondale®. NEXT!

it's like my grandmother strapped to a pole. ok, so maybe nobody would find my grandmother strapped to a pole at this point in time, but I can tell ya the walker she absolutely refuses to use is the same color as this grandmother-like, Dutch-style set of wheels. perhaps cyclists in L.A. are a but naive and just sorta assume that the high-fashion colored, plastic covered chain will make the cut. well, if anything, it will get cut sooner or later. this rider (if this is all they've got) ought to at least lock down one of their wheels so it's more fun for the swiper to pull it free after they cut the chain. keep an eye out for my grandmother, she does have a mean set of coupon clippers. NEXT!
—submitted by Karen in L.A.

the un-swipable saddle!

2009-05-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

nobody likes standing the entire ride home, so tonight (and since a friend asked), I'm sharing (4) methods to secure your saddle so you can worry a little less about it being [easily] swiped:

#1) The 5 and Dime Cable Lock Method
this might be one of the few instances when a cable lock is well, useful. most swipers are out to swipe a quick release saddle. by using a cable lock, it deters them enough to, most of the time, pass it up for another unsuspecting, unprotected saddle.

the saddle (seen below) "appears" to be secured down, but the owner clearly neglected to actually secure the saddle by looping it through the bike frame. I wouldn't mind setting my ass on that saddle one bit, but maybe that's cause Im a sucker for a type-free saddle.

this is an example of how NOT to use a cable lock (seen below).

this cyclist is thinking in the right vain by securing down both wheels and the frame by using the cable to keep their entire bike locked down. however, one quick snip and the entire bike is totally swipable. what should this biker do? at least secure that u-lock to the rear wheel and the street sign so only part of their bike is swipeable.

#2) The Chain+Tube Trick
you can also use an old chain in an old tube trick to lock it into place. while this is just as "attractive" as the cable, it is both a) harder to cut through and b) being green in that you are recycling old, used materials.

#3) My Father's Method: The Good Ol' Plastic Bag!
he is the cheapest of the cheap but is one of the sharpest tools in the shed. recycle an ugly recycled old plastic bag and do what most of the delivery guys in the city do, cover your saddle w/ that ugly old recycled plastic bag. I just always assume it's a crab-infested saddle and steer clear ;)

just as a sidenote... it is always a "good" idea to physically lock down your bike, unlike what this delivery man did to secure his bike; although he did make an attempt by chaining his wheel to his frame.

#4) The Pull-out Method
not to be confused w/ the pull-out method used while romping in the hay, BUT very similar in concept if you ask me. after you lock up your bike, "pull-out" your saddle and take it w/ you. a no-brainer if you ask me and this is what I do even though mine isn't a quick-release.

remember, when locking down your saddle, be sure to remove saddle bags and lights that aren't already secured down. while I might not have all of the answers posted right here, I hope that what I've learned will help you next time you take your 2-wheeler to the streets. feel free to share you tips as well. NEXT!

post #6

2009-05-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

who would ever want to steal crap? well, perhaps the newest and greatest method to preventing bicycle theft it to make it look like the largest imaginable piece of crap. case in point, the bikes seen in the photo above. it appears to be the world's largest unicycle at first glance, however after studying it more closely, I came to final conclusion that it is actually (3) bikes, a green garden hose and a u-lock getting it on in a very rusty threesome. so what the hell is the actual locking method on this purple Trek®? it appears to be very much secured down by the green garden hose and a sturdy Kryptonite® u-lock as seen above. if you ask me, I will hands down give this guy a thumbs up on a very well thought out lock-job. crap anybody? NEXT!
—submitted by a Red Hooker

I am convinced that this piece of work is a test. look at it like this... we go through life being given many tests like adding 1+1, choosing between a 12-yr and an 18-yr old malt whiskey, slicing up hot red peppers w/ your bare hands and being tempted to itch your eyes, stiffing a sh*tty waitress for being... a sh*tty waitress and so on. after spending months passing by this bike everyday, somebody else decided to call out the fact that it has been resting in the same place w/ pieces slowly disappearing. I am convinced that this is a test. a test to see how long you can leave a somewhat pricey bike chained up before all of its components are ripped off. or... I can assume the only other rational for this carcass has to be one of the following things:

a) the owner is lost somewhere in Brooklyn; the bike on the other hand knows exactly where it is and keeps falling victim to a daily gang bang.
b) this is clearly a test and we are all being recorded as we walk by to see how we react to such a sight for sore eyes.
c) the owner encountered the Bageltique mafia and was forced to leave their Bianchi as passage payment.
d) the owner is a lazy and negligent idiot and gave up after they lost their rear wheel.

next time the owner should consider doing (2) things: 1) locking the front wheel to the rear wheel and frame down and 2) coming back to check on the bike after locking it up. I give that rack a street life of 29 more days. NEXT!
—submitted by Blyer in Brooklyn

ouch!

2009-05-10T19:08:00.001-07:00

I learned a very valuable lesson Friday afternoon. apparently bike lanes in NYC [and it's wonderful borough of Brooklyn] are not really intended for bikers to bike in, rather, the following things instead:

- strollers
- dogs and idiots who walk them
- Chinese (not necessarily "Chinese" people, but the food) delivery guys
- delivery trucks (as seen above)
- morons who think assume it is the "extra small" passing lanes for motor vehicles

I just so happened to fall victim to a small, pregnant belly man in a beat up Dodge® minivan who thought he could squeeze both his pregnant man belly and beat up Dodge® minivan into the bike lane just as I happened to be enjoying my space in the lane. while he thought he was making a clean pass around a Dog Day Afternoon of Brooklyn traffic, he actually came door too fist w/ me and his door won sending me flying over my handlebars and into the bike lane I was leisurely riding in. it isn't too often I have a crowd to perform in front of, but just my luck, a group of tourists were right there to witness my asphalt acrobatics and I'm pretty sure I scored an 8.2 out of 10 on my landing. after 45-seconds or so (and after the tourists helped me up) the pregnant belly man got out of his beat up Dodge® minivan to ask me if I was ok. WAS I OK? ha. I took it upon myself to explain to him that the bikers' lane was in fact NOT an "extra small" passing lane, but that it was intended for these 2-wheeled things called bikes and these 2-legged people that ride those 2-wheeled things called bikers. that when he drives his 4-wheeled piece of American sh*t in the bike lane, he might just have a pretty good shot of hitting a biker, which he did.

I made the biggest rookie error to be made, I said I was ok and road off not realizing for a few blocks that my arm was covered in blood from my nosedive into the asphalt. lesson learned here:

1. bike lanes aren't for bikers.
buy an orange flag and attach it to your bike, while not quite a moped, at least the drivers will kinda see you while you ride in "their" lane.
2. after you get hit, call the police.
the bike lane is a bike lane and cars shouldn't be driving in them and well, assholes deserve points on their licenses if they don't understand the difference between the (2) lanes.
3. get the insurance info, name and plates of the asshole who hit you.
you should never have to pay your own bills for their laziness, neglect and general moronic driving habits of running over bikers.
4. after you get their info, be sure to let them know they are a total piece of sh*t.
telling a grown man he looks pregnant is a sure way to make him feel even worse after having run you down while riding your 2-wheeled friend.

I guess I'm the sucker this time around; it's time for some Neosporin®. NEXT!

post #5

2009-05-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

the Save on Fifth must be having a sale on packaging tape. it appears as though the owner of this bike either a) forget their 2nd lock at home or b) wants to be very unfriendly to the environment by securing their bike w/ a small u-lock and... clear packaging tape. the only other possibility I can conjure up is that while the bike is parked, the front wheel has a mind of its own and it likes to roll away for fun. either way, while the owner did a great job using a mini u-lock to secure down his rear wheel and frame, they FAIL for locking up the front of the bike AND frame using only what we assume was, discounted packaging tape. anybody need their Mother's Day gift wrapped? NEXT!

is it me or does the bike on the right have a weird extra appendage? oh, what a second, that must be one of those front fenders to prevent crotch splotting, but this one appears to be bent and broken. what is crotch splotting? in my own world it is the kick-up of dirt or wet stuff from the ground and onto your crotch, hence, crotch splotting. it's always good to have protection before a date if you know what I mean. or it could simply be the front part of the fork and I am just a sick f*ck who really wanted to type out the word crotch a few times. anyways, Im hoping that it's owner took the front wheel inside w/ them, but am inclined to assume that they dumbfoundedly left it w/ the bike and some local delivery boy scored himself a nice, gently-used front tire. ok, now lets focus on the lock job on the left. good enough to make me squeal like a fake orgasm (did I just say that out loud?!). Im gonna give props to this cyclist for their amazing display in front of Paragon Sports earlier today. not only did they lock it up in the highest theft area of NYC, but they did a superb job locking it down by 1) using the u-lock in the front, 2) the chain in the back and frame and 3) the cable for the saddle. sure, they are carrying around what is equivalent to a 7-yr old boy on them while it isn't locked down, but at least they will have a strong core at the next round of beer pong. NEXT!

post #4

2009-05-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

had I walked by this bike in person, I would have most likely looked around and then taken a nice phat tongue lick to its top tube. ok, maybe not, but it certainly is minty enough to want to lick if you know what I mean. aside from it looking entirely delicious, it rocks a pretty solid thumbs up on its lock job (a rarity on my side of town). there are a few off things I notice about it at first glance: 1) the saddle almost matches the rest of the bike (better hope this biker never has a brown day), 2) I thought it wasn't secured down, rather the owner had decided to lock up an extra tire w/ their bike, 3) oh wait, it IS locked up, that isn't a tire, it's a snazzy piece of metal, 4) the rear wheel is secured down (not the best method) w/ the cable used to secure that snazzy mint saddle and 5) the pedals, unfortunately, do not match the rest of this bike.

—Bowling Green, submitted by Blyer from Brooklyn

post #3

2009-05-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm wearing my contact lenses today, but I think that the owner of this bike was hoping otherwise OR perhaps this bike belongs to David Blaine. now what you are looking at is what appears to be a bike that is secured by a beefy chain to... oh wait a second, it is locked up to nothing more than a shadow! there must only be (3) possible scenarios here: 1) David Blaine was in a hurry, 2) David Blaine wasn't wearing his contact lenses today or 3) David Blaine is a complete sucker who didn't realize he missed the yellow poles. how should David Blaine have locked up his bike? he should have 1) avoided the yellow poles since a midget could slip the bike up and over, 2) actually locked the bike to something and 3) put a lock on that chain. NEXT!

post #2

2009-05-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

the super in my building happens to be a crack head, more specifically, a crack head that is completely harmless and rendered mostly useless aside from the amazing skill of stealing bikes (which others have stolen everything off of) and bringing them back to life. the front of my building in Brooklyn serves as his parking space for his bikes once they come back to life. as you can see from below, he went to great lengths to "purchase" a nice new chain.

ok, so I spent every day for the 4 weeks after he parked his bike (and secured it to the street sign), waiting for something to happen. then one day, I came home from work to discover that that nice new chain... didn't really prevent theft so much.

that's right, the bastards took both of his crappy, rusted and almost kinda useless wheels and pedals BUT left the plastic bag stuck in the chain. after a week, I came home to discover that as ambitious as he is to save bikes, that he had decided to give that chain another chance.

and then over the weekend, even more bikes found their way to that chain!

so while I am inclined to give him partial credit for locking up the crappiest bikes imaginable, I am forced to point out that even the tiniest of chains can't prevent the crappiest of components from being stolen. anybody need a wheel?

post #1

2009-05-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

maybe it's not so bad that they locked up this folding bike wrong since my grandmother can walk faster w/o her walker when bingo is calling. at least secure one of the wheels and to say the least and if you secure it to a scafolding (as seen above) do it like this, avoid the cross bars.

sure this bike is older than me, but at least its owner wants to have a free ride home.

hello nyc!

2009-05-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

well, pat yourself on the back. why? because for some random reason (or maybe you are just really bored) you have found our site. we are hoping you enjoy what you read and join in the fun of becoming a bikeswiper too!

what the heck is bikeswiper?
we are 2 cyclists living in NYC on a mission to help reduce bicycle theft by pointing out morons who have no clue how to lock up their bikes and then rewarding those of you who deserve to be for not being a moron/locking up your bike properly.
what is the purpose of our mission?
we want to help you learn how to properly lock up your bike; help the morons learn how to lock up their bikes better and maybe score some fans along the way :)
what will we do?
when we spot your bike you either get (1) of (2) stickers w/ decals as seen below. we then photograph your bike and post it to this site w/ our own personal rant or rave. until we have the stickers, we will still take submissions. see details below.
how the heck does this work?
the idea is, if you find the sticker on your bike (don't worry, we won't physically stick it your frame) you then visit our site and learn a little something. on our site you will find one of two tags that declare that the owner of the tagged bike is either:

a) NOT a moron, hence the bike w/ all of it's lovely components.

b) a moron, hence a hunk of metal (the bike frame missing its components) to do arm curls all night long on a long walk home.

can other people join in the fun?
that is the other big idea. once we get out stickers in, send us an email and we will send you stickers so you can help the mission.
what we do until we get the stickers?
when you spot a hot ass set of wheels that are either owned by a moron or non-moron, photograph it and then submit your photo to us that same day so we can rant or rave about it. once we get stickers in, we will get them to you.

ok, we are excited to get this party started. please submit your photos now to me and I will tag them on the site and of course... comments are always welcome.

thx!
-the bikeswipers